![]() ‘ Study: Multiple Stab Wounds May Be Harmful to Monkeys ‘ Rancher: “While frail and pharmaceutical-laden factory-farm cows just droop lifelessly while awaiting their deaths, our healthy, GMO-free cattle thrash about wildly in the air, very often tearing their own delicate flesh and shattering their leg bones in a hopeless attempt to flee to the nearby 100 percent organic grassland pastures where they were free to roam during their unnaturally truncated lives.” I won’t even try to top that.Ģ. ‘We Raise All Our Beef Humanely on Open Pasture and Then We Hang Them Upside Down and Slash Their Throats’ “Visa, Verizon, Con Ed Electric, and National Gas.Is The Onion secretly staffed by PETA employees? Maybe, judging by these 17 articles that look like they came straight out of our playbook. “There are four other companies after me.” “I need a raise in my commission,” the Realtor said to her managing broker. Let’s schedule an eye exam!” I’m Such a Great Agent, Other Firms Won’t Stop Calling Me! Without skipping a beat the Realtor replied: “That’s OK, sir. The Realtor didn’t even skip a beat before replying: “Wait a second … what’s the catch?” The House Is Meowvelous, But…Īgent: “This listing is great, but it’s really for the cats.”Īgent: “It will take you nine lives to pay off the mortgage.” The FSBO Cold CallerĪfter being cold-called five days in a row, a FSBO finally had enough: “FOR THE LAST GODDAMN TIME, I CAN’T SEE YOU THIS SATURDAY OR ANY DAMN DAY!!” In return, you will give me your soul, your wife’s soul, and your children’s souls for all eternity,” the devil said. “I can make you the most successful agent in your brokerage, and you will sell 200 houses next year if you sign this contract in blood. “I just couldn’t stick with it.” He Made Him an Offer He Couldn’t RefuseĪ real estate agent was standing at the crossroads when the devil suddenly appeared before him. “It says here you quit your last job selling duct tape after only three months. Job InterviewĪ new agent walks into a brokerage office for an interview. ![]() I’m going to become a real estate coach! A Realtor’s Prayerĭear Lord, all I ask is that you prove to me that money won’t make me happier by tripling my GCI this year. The Bottom Dollar The Secret to Real Estate SuccessĪfter reading books by Tom Ferry and Brain Buffini and going to seven coaching seminars this year, I think I’ve finally discovered the secret to making serious money in the real estate industry. Why did the new real estate agent get on a boat? The rationale is that not everyone has a driver’s license. Good news! The federal government has announced that they will begin using real estate licenses as official ID. Einstein says, “OK! So, where do you think the real estate market is headed?” Formal Licensing The person replies, “My IQ is 150.” “Wonderful,” he says, “we can talk about events of the day!” He comes across a third person and, once again, asks their IQ. When Einstein dies, he goes to heaven and he asks the first person he sees, “Excuse me? What’s your IQ?” The person replies, “280.” Einstein says, “Oh, that’s great! We can talk about astrophysics!” He asks the second person he runs into the same question. ![]() The only problem with being on time for your showings is that no one else is there to appreciate it. Don’t Trust the Listing Agent!Ī listing agent I know promises a free abacus with every closed deal, but I wouldn’t count on it. Kept saying he wanted a house with long haul ways. ![]()
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